What happens when you take a baby to museums
Note: I know babies don’t need ‘culture’. They aren’t interested in great works or art or historically significant objects. This is about what I need, and what I need is a warm, dry place where I can entertain the Popple while one of this winter’s many storms with a name does its best to make outdoor activities f***ing impossible.
First stop: The Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum
Cultural highlights: Salvador Dali’s Christ of St John on the Cross, the coffin and mummy of Ankhesnefer in the Egyptian gallery, Sophie Cave’s floating head statues in the foyer.
The Popple’s highlights: A display that might have been about fish migration or something. I’m not sure. It had a lever that I could pull to make some metal fish jump, which I did – over and over and over – while the Popple kicked her feet, mesmerised.
The bench outside the basement toilets, apparently the ideal place to take off your socks and throw them on the floor repeatedly. Also good for licking purposes.
Second stop: The Burrell Collection
Cultural highlights: Collection of Degas paintings, Rodin’s ‘The Thinker’, a 13th-century stained glass panel.
The Popple’s highlights: The museum cafe, where she sat in a filthy highchair and happily threw most of her homemade savoury flapjacks on the floor.
The bench outside the gift shop, where she could chew on Grandma’s glasses to her heart’s content.
Third stop: The Riverside Museum
Cultural highlights: The world’s oldest bicycle, the world’s second oldest Rolls Royce, a FABULOUS platform shoe that Elton John wore onstage once.
The Popple’s highlights: The touch screens scattered around the museum where you can swipe to find out more information about the collections.
“It’s like the iPad!” I said to her excitedly. She loves the iPad. We use mine to Skype with my mom, and she spends most of the call trying to lick the screen and hanging up on her.
A bench with a view of the Tall Ship, where she played the let’s-see-how-many-times-I-can-deliberately-drop-my-teething-ring-before-Mommy-stops-picking-it-up game.