The children’s books that are slowly driving me insane

Parenting / Monday, October 24th, 2016

Have you ever read this book?

Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb

Because I have. About a dozen times…today.

Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb is the Popple’s current literary obsession. Although she owns dozens of books, she tends to choose one and just roll with it for a while. Our flat is full of lovely books that she’s never touched and a handful that I have committed to memory. NOT BY CHOICE.

Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb

Plot: A bunch of monkeys drum and…no, that’s pretty much it, actually.

Best part: Monkeys drum and monkeys hum. Hum drum hum drum hum drum hum. Pretty catchy, that.

Worst part: When I find myself muttering, “Dum ditty dum ditty dum dum dum” out loud in the middle of a conference call like some sort of giant, crazy child.

Chicka Chicka Boom Boom

Chicka Chicka Boom Boom

Plot: All of the letters of the alphabet climb up a tree. It falls over and messes them up.

Best part: The picture of the moon at the end, apparently. The Popple likes to skip to that page and just point at it.

“Yes, it’s the moon!” I say.

“Eh?” she says, which is pretty much the only thing she says these days.

“Moon!” I say again.

“Eh?” she says, pointing again.

“MOON!” I shout enthusiastically, even though it’s kind of a crap moon. Just a big yellow circle, really. But I guess it doesn’t take that much to impress a toddler.

Worst part: When the book ends [SPOILER ALERT] with stupid letter ‘a’ trying to climb up the tree again, as though he’s completely forgotten about the events of the previous 18 pages.

Katie’s Moose

Katie's Moose

Plot: A Scottish girl looks for her animals and finds them in weird places. Then they all go to sleep together in an impossibly huge bed.

(This book features a dancing pig, a cow on the crapper and a bear with a hammer, but it’s the supersized bed that seems really unrealistic.)

Best part: The coo sitting on the loo is reading a newspaper with the headline, “Braw craw heids baw.” Genius.

Worst part: Forcing the Popple to listen to me speak in Scots with my American accent. Just imagine it:

“Keek-a-boo! There she is noo. See that bonnie pig, ahint the chair, daein a jig.”


Global Babies

Global Babies

Plot: No plot, just pictures of cute international babies.

Best part: The baby from South Africa who is blowing a raspberry, because the Popple raspberries right back at him.

Worst part: The fact that a book about ‘global babies’ features two Americans babies out of 16. Okay, one is Native American, but still. Try harder.

25 Replies to “The children’s books that are slowly driving me insane”

  1. I can’t believe that with all the hundreds of books that my kids own, we don’t have any of these! Thankfully my 4 year old is now into reading Roald Dahl books (we’re currently on George’s Marvellous Medicine) which is amazing. 2yo still likes to read the same crappy book every night for weeks on end (currently Little Lost Penguin).

  2. I’ve totally read Global Babies in the library (with a child present of course, ahem) and thought EXACTLY the same thing. What lessons are there to learn here? A baby is a baby whatever the eff it’s wearing / colour skin it has. Jog on. Thank for for linking to #Chucklemums and making me laugh!

  3. Your book post is so much funnier than mine 😂😂 I am imagining you reading the Scottish book and chuckling to myself. I hope her literary favourites moves on soon! #DreamTeam

  4. Did you get the Scottish book so you could try and intergrate with the Scott people? Sounds really realistic! Why do they always flip to the back of the book? It’s so annoying. One good thing though is at least she is interested in books! Always a positive!? Thanks for linking up to #FamilyFun

  5. We practically own a library here and yet I have never heard of or seen any of these! I love the sound of the first one though. Though maybe not after the 300th repetition. My youngest likes ones with lots of fun words, rhythms and sounds (I can’t remember the proper grammar term). My 3 year old is starting to read proper books (thankfully)! #FamilyFun

  6. Haha…made me smile all the way. I only know the Chicka Chicka book by cover. We have tons of books too but my home is overrun with books on trains (Thomas), cars, construction vehicles, and farm animals. Never got the obsession with farm-related books for infants and toddlers. Most of us don’t live on farms, you know!? And what’s with the need to learn what every animal sounds like…like seriously, how many times in your adult life (except after you have kids) have you had to use your knowledge of animal sounds to use!? Give me a break! #familyfun

  7. hahahaha yes try harder! We tend to have to stick to the same circle of books too. I could read Dear Zoo without the book. In fact any lift the flap book is a hit in our house. We haven’t read any of these books however I can’t say you have sold them to me lol!Thanks for linking with us at #FamilyFun

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