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I have a toddler now and she’s stealing stuff

I have a toddler now and she’s stealing stuff

I realised the other day that I now live in a baby-free house. This is now a toddler house. And this is what a toddler house looks like.

The Popple playing in a messy living room
I have one child. ONE.

While the Popple has been toddling for some time, she’s only just officially become a toddler. I’ve been looking forward to this stage, honestly. Babyhood was wonderful in a lot of ways, but it was also tough as f***, and I’m kind of ready to move on. Besides, toddlerhood means language. Exploration. Increased independence. But it also means that the Popple is really starting to get into stuff. In the past week, she has:

  • Picked up our junk mail and thrown it in the toilet (which is sort of where it belongs, to be fair).
  • Walked out of Boots with a bottle of hair serum in her hand, forcing me to return to the shop to apologise for raising a very tiny shoplifter.
  • Helped me tidy, which sounds great, but actually involved her taking things from where they belong (ie plastic bottles in the recycling bin) and putting them where they don’t (the dirty clothes hamper).
  • Splashed around in the cat fountain (yes, our cat will only drink water out of a fountain, because he’s an a**hole like that).
  • Thrown tantrums because I wouldn’t let her:
    • Play with an extension cord
    • Pick up a crisp packet in the street
    • Put her hand in the nappy bin
    • Drink my wine

I know this is only the beginning. We still have the terrible twos and the threenager phase ahead of us. There will be more stupid tantrums and more little hands getting into places where they don’t belong. I’ll have to learn how to discipline a child who I know is NOT going to take to it well.

Still, there’s something exciting about the Popple developing into an actual little person with her own thoughts and opinions and the ability to express them. I suspect she will express them loudly, and they will mostly consist of things like, “GIVE ME YOUR IPHONE” and “I WANT RICE CAKES”.

I also suspect that I will read this post a few months from now when she won’t stop babbling at me and want to slap past Katie upside the head. But for now, I’d like to enjoy the anticipation of toddlerhood and all its sticky, shouty fun.

23 thoughts on “I have a toddler now and she’s stealing stuff”

  • I’ve been reading a lot of toddler-themed blog posts and all I can think is, “oh no that’s me soon!”. On one hand I can’t wait for A to be older and more interactive, but then I worry about whether I can handle the ‘terrible twos’. Though I am getting some preparation because my dog likes to steal and destroy stuff. #chucklemums

  • Ah it only gets worse! I can totally relate though. No babies here! Although I am still referring to him as a baby but he is VERY much a toddler now, having been walking for two months. He loudly protests whenever something displeases him too, tantrum effing central in this house. They are cute though. Thanks for joining #chucklemums!

  • I think I may have a toddler as well! I am reluctant to say goodbye to babyhood but my 12 month old (although not exactly toddling yet) cruises and crawls everywhere, has a passion for rearranging and hiding toys, and is an expert in destroying things!

  • Oh yes, the ‘helping’ – cute and slightly infuriating in equal measure! So funny that you daughter nearly managed to swipe a bottle of hair serum, the shop staff tend to find these moments quite humurous! #chucklemums

  • Ha ha ha! Love this. And I love the pic of your lounge – looks just like ours! I have what is known as the mugging tent – it sits in the garden (it’s my UV tent) and every time anyone pops in for a visit, I do my best to relieve them of their jewellery, purse, etc etc 😉 #chucklemums

  • Ohh we are right here – I think the Popple must be the same age as Emma. She sounds hilarious – love that you have a tiny shoplifter! We have daily tantrums as she tries to push over the TV, pull any lead and trying to open the saucepan cupboard and take them all out. It’s all beginning, I am frankly terrified of the Terrible Two’s eeeks. Really enjoyed reading this! #chucklemums

  • Ah enjoy the next wonderful stage. I have loved seeing Archie learn new things and develop his language. I’m afraid I have bad news though… The Fucking Fours are the worst of all!! You have been warned!x

  • I know the feeling completely. It is surely only a matter of time before Piglet drinks my wine, although he did manage to spill a can of beer (my brother’s) on himself the other day. The toilet is the one to watch out for. I have had to fish all sorts out of there and have developed very quick reflexes when I spot him entering the vicinity of the bathroom. #chucklemums

  • It sounds like you’re going to have your hands full! I love this stage where children really start developing their own personalities and you get a glimpse of the person they will become
    Thanks for linking up to #BloggerClubUK 🙂

  • Oh my goodness it is fun, exhausting, irritating, and funny all roiled into one. I swear my toddler in the span of two minutes can have me experiencing all of these things. It’s such an adventure! My boy has started chasing get animals aND will talk about it for 5 minutes straight. I’m sorry about the tantrums. Wish I could say they get better! #TribalLove

  • I’ll be joining you soon. I was looking for my keys this morning thinking did I let the robot play with them. No I found them in my pocket, but it won’t be long!! Junk mail in the toilet is great though!! #triballove

  • I remember the boy having a tantrum once about something then going quiet. I assumed he’d succumbed to sleep. He’d actually stolen a bun. #chucklemums

  • Hahah I love this! You do make me laugh. She’s such a little character already it’s awesome, I am so looking forward to all the entertaining things she’s going to do! I can’t believe how much things have changed since TM has started crawling and know there’s plenty more to come. Each phase seems to have its upsides and challenges! #BloggerClubUK

  • Oh J has done all these (well except the cat fountain!!!) We left a little independent toy shop with a small wooden train up his sleeve. I risked a parking ticket to run it back as was so embarrased!! I am loving the toddler stage though 🙂 #boggerclubuk

  • This brings back memories! One of mine used to have an obsession with keys and when we went to toddler groups, she would take them from handbags! I used to have to go around the hall to find their owner, totally embarrassed by my little light fingered offspring!! #ablogginggoodtime

  • As a blogger you’ll have a ton of material to play with when your daughter starts saying very odd things!

    When I was a toddler I used to steal spoons from restaurants and flush videos (!) down the toilet.

    I think it’s a developmental stage of experimenting and understanding ownership rather than the seeds of a criminal mastermind!

    Your comment about your cat made me laugh!


  • Hehehe so cute! Ah I love it when they get mobile and start exploring. They really do some of the weirdest random eat and funniest things!

  • God dammit I’m have asleep tonight reading. Second time I’m forgotten my hashtag sorry I’ll wake up! Let’s call it toddler sleep deprivation 🙂 #ablogginggoodtime

  • Oh yeh it’s all fun and games from here! Funny how your living room looks exactly like mine lol! Although hard it is lovely especially when their language skills develop. My little one made my heart melt the other day when I was trying to put him to sleep, and I have to admit getting a little bit frustrated after reading the same books ten times and he’s still laying there awake, he turns to me rubs my arm and sweetly says ‘you OK’ yep all was forgotten x #ablogginggoodtime

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