My daughter is two, and potty training isn’t on the agenda. Not yet. Not even close. A lot of her peers are well on their way to ditching their nappies forever, but she’s pretty attached to hers, so we’re just going to ride out this whole nappy thing for a while longer.
There are a lot of articles about the signs that your toddler is ready for potty training, but not as many that tell you how to spot the signs that your kid is definitely NOT ready for it.
So here you go.
1. Changing a dirty nappy requires at least 10 minutes of heavy negotiations, because they’re quite happy to sit in their own filth.
“You have a caca in your nappy. Should we go get changed?”
“I HAVE MOUSE!”
“Yes, I see you have Mouse. Should we take Mouse with us while we go get you changed?”
“Yes, you have Frog also. Frog and Mouse can both come with you to get changed.”
“DANCING DANCING DANCING!” (Shakes Frog and Mouse back and forth)
“They can dance later. Now it’s time to go get changed.”
“DANCING FRIENDS, DANCING FRIENDS! FROG IS DANCING ON MUMMY!”
“It’s very silly that Frog is dancing on Mummy. Now come on – let’s get you all changed up. It’s not nice to sit in your caca, is it?”
(Starts jumping and laughing hysterically)
“That’s enough. Don’t you want a clean nappy?”
“Don’t want it?”
2. They don’t get the mechanics of how to use a toilet.
“When Mummy uses the potty, she pulls down her pants and underwear, then makes pee-pee in the potty,” you explain.
“No, sweetie. You have to take your pants down to use the potty.”
“WANT KEEP PANTS ON!”
They insist that pants must remain on when peeing, despite having watched you pee EVERY DAY for the past two years.
3. They’re very interested in the potty that you bought for them, but purely on aesthetic grounds.
“Look, it’s your new potty for making pee-pee!”
“Yes, it has cars on it. You can make pee-pee in it.”
“Blue! Has cars on it! Green and blue cars!”
“And it’s for pee-pee, right?”
“One, two, three cars! IS BLUE!”
4. They tell you. Just straight-up tell you.
“When you’re a big girl, you can use the potty to make pee-pee and caca just like Mummy and Daddy!”
“No. Want nappies.”
Well. Okay, then.