10 things that happen when your child brings home the nursery teddy


Parenting / Tuesday, May 1st, 2018

1. You’ll accidentally greet the teddy by saying, “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”
2. Your child will want to hug the teddy. Then they’ll want you to hug the teddy. You’ll want both of you to stay as far away from the teddy as possible, because it looks like it’s been hugged by every small child ever and never been washed.
3. You’ll frantically check the little notebook that came with the teddy to see how much effort you need to put into this thing. At least one parent will have practically written a novel about the teddy’s weekend adventures, along with ‘fun’ pictures, and you’ll hate that parent, even though you’ve never met them. Look, here’s teddy at the aquarium! He’s pointing at a shark! And now he’s on a bike! Teddies can’t ride bikes! That’s why it’s funny! Screw you, Lucas’ dad!
4. Your child will insist that the teddy accompany you everywhere, then forget about it as soon as you leave the house, leaving you to carry the filthy bear for the rest of the day.

Teddy gear wearing a football top and red shorts

5. One of your friends will see you out with the nursery teddy and ask you if you’re planning to make him new clothes or have him ‘bake’ a cake to bring to the class on Monday. That’s what the parents do at their child’s school, they’ll say. You’ll reconsider your friendship after this conversation.
6. You’ll realise at the end of a really great day that you forgot to take photos of the teddy and therefore can’t prove that any of it ever happened.
7. You’ll be tempted to take photos of the nursery teddy doing something inappropriate – drinking a beer, smacking someone’s bum – but then you’ll realise you can’t even be bothered to do that. You’re just not that fun. Not like Lucas’ dad. The bastard.
8. It will suddenly occur to you that you’re going to need to get actual photos for the nursery bear’s book. Like, printed. On paper. Cue a trip last-minute trip to Boots on Sunday afternoon with photos saved on a memory stick, like it’s 2010 or something.
9. When you go to write the story of the nursery teddy’s weekend, you’ll realise that it’s been decades since you last handwrote more than a few words at a time. By the time you’re finished with the story, your handwriting will be scrawling and practically illegible, like you decided to take a break in the middle and drink an entire bottle of wine. Maybe you did. No one would blame you.
10. After an entire weekend of ignoring the nursery teddy while you dragged it around, your child will suddenly develop a keen interest in it on Monday morning and want to keep it.

A teddy bear on top of a castle

The Pramshed
Mum Muddling Through

8 Replies to “10 things that happen when your child brings home the nursery teddy”

  1. My daughter always tries to insist she sleep with her school mascot (Sammy the seahorse) its so disgusting it actually makes me gag. although in line with point 7 – a few of the mums got together and took photos of the seahorse drinking wine, laying with a load of naked barbies, you get the picture. We called it ‘the alternative adventures of sammy’ and presented it to the teacher on the last day of term – she loved it. Not going to lie though- I was absolutely not the one who took the time to put this thing together – I don’t have time for that shit!) #fortheloveofBLOG

  2. We didn’t get the nursery teddy but we got the school equivalent. That damn toy had been everywhere … Weekend trips to Paris, adventure parks etc all lovingly hand-written by the children over endless pages.

    Rev T works most weekends so he went to the supermarket, out for coffee and to church. The Tubblet’s entry was all about how he’d enjoyed a quiet family weekend resting up for his next adventures. (A few parents commented afterwards how grateful they were for our lack of bothering!)

  3. Ah I’m so glad this day is behind us! We had Peter the Rabbit come home with us in Reception…it was the printing the photos that was so much effort!

  4. Ha, love this! I help out with a Rainbows group and the Olivia doll gets sent home with a different girl each week. It’s impressive the number of times Olivia ends up getting wet in either the bath/ swimming pool or going down the pub! We don’t ask for photos though- we aren’t that bothered! 🙂 #coolmumclub

  5. Oh haha! We have a birthday bunny in my class and the parents got their teeth when they see it…’thanks!’ One year, some parents did the alternative version for me…..it was hilarious! #coolmumclub

  6. Ha ha, absolutely! We have had the nursery bunny a few times and it always results in a night before panic of visiting relatives who own a printer!

    Thanks for linking to #CoolMumClub 100!

  7. I swear the nursery staff are laughing as they send us home with “Betsy” the possessed cabbage patch type doll from the underworld. They also wait to hear you mention that you have a particularly busy and / or stressful weekend ahead before conveniently feeling it appropriate to reward your little one’s generally average behaviour. I swore in Boots. A lot of times. #coolmumclub x

  8. We had the nursery teddy at the start of the year and my daughter wasn’t at all interested in it at first, and I also forget about it too! But on the last day she wanted to take it to bed with her and then didn’t want to give it back. Thanks for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

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