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10 terrible gifts for a baby boy

10 terrible gifts for a baby boy

My adorable chunk of a nephew is turning one later this month, so I suggested that Adrian look on Etsy to see if he could find a unique gift for him. A few hours later, he sent me this email:

“So no obvious choices for a gift on Etsy just yet, but the running for Worst Clothes For a Baby Boy goes deep.”

Here’s a selection of what he found – plus a few other horrors I discovered myself when I went down Etsy rabbit hole:

1. I drink ’til I pass out

Onesie with a bottle of spilled milk that says, "I drink til' I pass out...just like Aunt Marley'

Let’s all laugh at Aunt Marley’s alcoholism! Hahaha! It’s funny because she can’t stop drinking! Look, she was so drunk that she put the apostrophe in the wrong place!

2. That milk tho

White onesie that says 'That milk tho'.

Hey, baby. ‘Tho’ is not an acceptable alternative to ‘though’, regardless of what your onesie says. Your parents are the worst.

3. Sorry, ladies – I’m in the knight’s watch

White onesie that says, 'Sorry, ladies. I'm in the night's watch.'

I can’t take a wife because I made a vow to the brotherhood. Also because I’M AN INFANT.

4. I won

White onesie with a sperm that says 'I won'

Your parents bought you this bodysuit so…did you? Did you really?

5. Show me your kitties

White onesie with a cat face on it that says 'Show me your kitties'

Surprisingly, this is just one of several sexist animal-themed boy’s onesies.

6. I like big bucks

White onesie with a buck on it that says 'I like big bucks and I cannot lie'

…aaand there’s another one.

7. Keep calm and hug your wiener

White onesie with a dachsund that says 'Keep calm and hug your weiner'

For the dachshund-owner parent who really, really can’t resist a good wiener joke. Or a not-so-good wiener joke. Or who got a dachshund for the sole purpose of being able to say the word ‘wiener’ all the time, even though they don’t know how it’s spelled.

8. You got this, Daddy!

White onesie that says, You got this Daddy!' with arrows pointing to the arm, leg and neck holes.

“Ha – look at that man trying to raise a baby! That’s lady business!”


Men are perfectly capable of dressing babies. And pushing prams. And retrieving lost dummies. And cleaning up poonamis. This is not mum stuff. It’s PARENT stuff.

9. Do you even lift, bro?

White onesie with an outline of ab muscles and the words 'Do you even lift bro?'

It’s like you’re trying to turn your baby into a d**k.

10. Famous on Instagram

White onesie with a picture of a camera that says 'Famous on Instagram'

Because being famous on Instagram is a thing that people actually aspire to now. We are a garbage species.

If you want to see more Etsy nightmares, check out the 10 gifts you should never buy for a baby post I did for Christmas last year.

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