10 children’s Halloween costumes to avoid

Parenting / Tuesday, October 10th, 2017

For my daughter’s first Halloween, I got her two costumes – a pumpkin (bought for six quid at the supermarket because I’m lazy) and a ninja turtle (because I found a kick-ass Raphael onesie after I’d already bought the shitty pumpkin costume). Last year, she was a Ghostbuster, because the film with the female cast had just come out and she was still young enough that I could force her to wear whatever I wanted in support of feminism.

But this year, I’m stuck. She’s almost two and a half, and I can’t imagine any costume that she would actually willingly wear for more than five minutes. So I went looking for inspiration on Etsy.

And…well. I came up with more ideas for how to NOT dress your kid for Halloween.

1. Poop emoji

Young girl in poop emoji costume

It doesn’t matter if there’s a tutu involved – your kid is still shit.

2. Hipster

Baby wearing a beard and beanie hat

Optional accessories: a cold brew coffee, a jar of artisinal pickles and a penny-farthing bicycle.

3. Pumpkin spice latte 

Baby dressed as a pumpkin spice latte

Dress up your baby as autumn’s most overrated drink.

4. Ramen noodles

Baby in a Ramen noodles costume

Because nothing says, “I love my baby” like dressing them up like the stuff drunk students eat at 2am.

5. Zombie gothic mermaid

Girl on a beach in a zombie gothic mermaid costume

Because this is a thing, apparently. Speaking of zombies…

5. Zombie bride

Girl dressed in a zombie bride costume

You’ll be seeing this kid (and this terrible Photoshopping job) in your nightmares tonight. Still speaking of zombies…

7. Zombaby

Dirty pink baby onesie covered in fake blood

According to the seller, “this is not a cheesy Halloween costume from a chain store. it was an actual sleeper in it’s previous life and so it should last for many uses.” It’s the gift that keeps on giving!

8. Old school rapper

Baby old school rapper onesie

Unleash your baby’s inner OG with this rapper costume.

Or, you know, don’t.

9. Deadpool

Deadpool-themed dress

Deadpool is a mega-violent vigilante. Let’s not try to make him pretty, yeah?

10. Poop Donald Trump

Pink baby onesie with Donald Trump's face as a poop

Not a costume, exactly, but I think it’s pretty amazing that you can buy a onesie with Donald Trump’s poop face on it. I kind of want one. For me.

Bringing up Georgia

16 Replies to “10 children’s Halloween costumes to avoid”

  1. Why……??? Just why would you……..?
    I really am lost for words at some of those costumes (although if you did want to go down the baby hipster route I could definitely crochet you a bearded hat).

  2. Oh wow some of those are something else. What is with the pop emoji everywhere? My little cousin has the pillow on her bed. Literally sleeping on shit! I don’t get it.

  3. Oh. My. Word. What were these people thinking?? I actually can’t believe that Zombaby one – it just looks like the poor baby has suffered some major abuse. It’s disturbing! #stayclassymama

  4. 😂😂😂😂😂 OMG!
    I can’t quite believe the things I have just seen. Most weird, some funny, but that zombaby babygro truly creeped me out. It makes you wonder what goes through people’s minds sometimes. Then you wish you’d never thought about because it’s scary as hell in there 😂

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