For my daughter’s first Halloween, I got her two costumes – a pumpkin (bought for six quid at the supermarket because I’m lazy) and a ninja turtle (because I found a kick-ass Raphael onesie after I’d already bought the shitty pumpkin costume). Last year, she was a Ghostbuster, because the film with the female cast had just come out and she was still young enough that I could force her to wear whatever I wanted in support of feminism.
But this year, I’m stuck. She’s almost two and a half, and I can’t imagine any costume that she would actually willingly wear for more than five minutes. So I went looking for inspiration on Etsy.
And…well. I came up with more ideas for how to NOT dress your kid for Halloween.
1. Poop emoji
It doesn’t matter if there’s a tutu involved – your kid is still shit.
Optional accessories: a cold brew coffee, a jar of artisinal pickles and a penny-farthing bicycle.
Dress up your baby as autumn’s most overrated drink.
Because nothing says, “I love my baby” like dressing them up like the stuff drunk students eat at 2am.
Because this is a thing, apparently. Speaking of zombies…
5. Zombie bride
You’ll be seeing this kid (and this terrible Photoshopping job) in your nightmares tonight. Still speaking of zombies…
According to the seller, “this is not a cheesy Halloween costume from a chain store. it was an actual sleeper in it’s previous life and so it should last for many uses.” It’s the gift that keeps on giving!
Unleash your baby’s inner OG with this rapper costume.
Or, you know, don’t.
Deadpool is a mega-violent vigilante. Let’s not try to make him pretty, yeah?
Not a costume, exactly, but I think it’s pretty amazing that you can buy a onesie with Donald Trump’s poop face on it. I kind of want one. For me.