This is the problem with boob shirts
Last weekend I saw a teenage girl wearing a crop top that said, “I have no tits.”
I thought about that shirt for the rest of the day. Why would someone wear a shirt that draws attention to body parts that people shouldn’t be staring at in the first place, and do it in such a negative way? It would be like me wearing a pair of shorts that said, “I have chicken skin legs.” I have a common skin condition called Keratosis Pilaris – it’s totally harmless and I’m not ashamed of it, but I’m not going to invite people to stare at my bumpy thighs.
The more I thought about it, the more I thought I’d been mistaken. I must have read the shirt wrong.
So I Googled it. And I found LOTS of versions of this shirt. It’s sold on Amazon. Etsy. Redbubble. Dozens of independent retailers.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with having tiny boobs. It’s just how some of us are built. Some women are tall, some women are short, some women are barely A cups, some are rocking GGs. We’re all awesome and beautiful, whether we can pull off a plunging neckline or not. But that’s not the point.
I guess the shirt is meant to be empowering, allowing you to thumb your nose at a society with a ‘the bigger, the better’ attitude towards boobs. But it’s still inviting people to objectify your body, and where’s the power in that?
In researching boob shirts (as you do), I came across the men’s shirt answer to the “I have no tits” shirt. It says, “I don’t care if you have small boobs. I still want to see them.” There’s the problem right there. You’re trying to be all like, “I have small boobs and I’m proud that I don’t conform to typical standards of beauty!” and guys are like, “Yeah, that’s great, love. Now get ‘em out.” It’s a moot point.
(Also, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that any man who would actually wear that shirt has never seen a pair of real boobs in his life, because no woman is going to put up with that shit.)
Those weird boob t-shirts are even more confusing. You know the ones I’m talking about? They have cartoon boobs or suggestive things like avocados or peaches drawn over where your actual boobs should be.
Kendall Jenner wore one once, apparently, and then loads of women went, “I totally want to wear a shirt that draws attention to what’s under under my shirt.” What’s the point, exactly? It’s not like you’re smuggling something special in there. You want people to look at you? There are better ways to get attention. Wear a shirt that promotes a cause that you believe in (like these simple yet powerful shirts from Full Frontal with Samantha Bee, or these great feminist shirts from the Farah Fawcett Society). Or, you know, just say something interesting. That works pretty well too.