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If the Kavanaugh hearing was a typical job interview

If the Kavanaugh hearing was a typical job interview

I’ve been thinking a lot about the Brett Kavanaugh confirmation hearing recently. This hearing has such profound implications – not only for the future of the American judicial system, but also for for how we treat sexual assault victims – that it’s easy to forget that it wasn’t a trial; it was a job interview. If you imagine these sexual assault accusations playing out in a typical job interview setting, the way that some people insist on dismissing them seems bizarre.

HR manager: Okay, before I hire you for this incredibly significant job that you’re going to have for the rest of your life, I need to check your references.

Candidate: Seems fair.

HR manager: Most of them seem pretty standard. Relevant job experience, good degree, blah blah blah. Wait…here’s a weird one. It says, “This guy got a bit rapey with me.”

Candidate: What?

HR manager: That’s what it says.

Candidate: I never got rapey with anyone!

HR manager: It says that you were incredibly intoxicated when it happened. Do you ever get blackout drunk?

Candidate: DO YOU?

HR manager: Umm…

Candidate: I mean, I like beer. Who doesn’t like beer? Liking beer doesn’t make me a sexual predator, does it?

HR manager: Of course not. I’m sure it’s nothing. Let’s see what else I’ve got here…oh.

Candidate: What?

HR manager: Well, this is a bit awkward.

Candidate: Just tell me.

HR manager: Someone is saying that you swung your junk in their face.

Candidate: This is ridiculous!

HR manager: Did you do these things?

Candidate: Of course not! And anyway, this isn’t relevant to the job.

HR manager: Well, not technically. But this is a very important job, like super important. Besides, I’m not sure a junk-swinging guy is going to fit in with our office culture.

Candidate: This is a conspiracy! That rival firm fabricating lies in order to smear my good name!

HR manager: Yeah…about that. You can’t really be going on about ‘rival firms’. This job requires to you be impartial. You represent ALL firms. That’s kind of the whole point.

Candidate: Yeah, I totally get that. I represent all the firms. I can do that.

HR manager: Well, if that’s the case, then I think we’re good to go! Oh shit, here’s another rapey one.

Candidate: Wait, what?

HR manager: Yeah, it’s pretty bad.

Candidate: I swear I didn’t do this stuff.

HR manager: But then why do people keep saying it?

Candidate: [Bursts into tears]

HR manager: Maybe I should put your job offer on hold while I look into this.

Candidate: NO. Definitely don’t do that. There’s nothing for you to find anyway, because I didn’t do any of it.

HR manager: But if you have nothing to hide, surely you can’t object to us just taking a few days to confirm your side of the story?

Candidate: I DO object. This isn’t the ‘Twilight Zone’. This is a job interview. For MY job.

HR manager: Well, technically it’s not your job YET.


HR manager: On that note, thanks for coming in. We’ll get back to you.

No company would hire a candidate that:

  • Acted belligerently in the job interview
  • Was clearly hiding something
  • Seemed like kind of a dick

So why do Kavanaugh’s supporters seem surprised that a lot of people question whether he has earned a spot on the highest court in the land for the rest of his life? He’s facing hard questions because this is a hard job. Get over it, K-Dawg.

Besides, no one would want to turn up to work to find out that Brett Kavanaugh was their new desk mate.

2 thoughts on “If the Kavanaugh hearing was a typical job interview”

  • Even in a job interview, the accuser should be called to prove the claim. “Rapey?” Rapish? It could be a woman who wants the job herself or has a vendetta. I think the days of believing an accuser no matter what needs to STOP. This was not a simple job interview anyway. It was a confirmation in which the opposing party had every motive to stop it. So if a guy (A)had a job interview and there was someone else (B)that really wanted the job, would the hirer believe it when a friend of that person (B)came forward with a rapey story when the guy was 16 yrs old?

  • Silly analogy. Doesn’t convince me. It was a nomination to Supreme Court, and after badgering him for weeks, then called in someone at the last minute after sitting on it, that lied about him as a sexual predator, and then tried to goad him into delaying the vote further. I saw true bullying, evil really. Pure evil.

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