The children’s books that are slowly driving me insane

Stack of children's books with a mug on top

Have you ever read this book?

Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb

Because I have. About a dozen times…today.

Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb is the Popple’s current literary obsession. Although she owns dozens of books, she tends to choose one and just roll with it for a while. Our flat is full of lovely books that she’s never touched and a handful that I have committed to memory. NOT BY CHOICE.

Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb

Plot: A bunch of monkeys drum and…no, that’s pretty much it, actually.

Best part: Monkeys drum and monkeys hum. Hum drum hum drum hum drum hum. Pretty catchy, that.

Worst part: When I find myself muttering, “Dum ditty dum ditty dum dum dum” out loud in the middle of a conference call like some sort of giant, crazy child.

Chicka Chicka Boom Boom

Chicka Chicka Boom Boom

Plot: All of the letters of the alphabet climb up a tree. It falls over and messes them up.

Best part: The picture of the moon at the end, apparently. The Popple likes to skip to that page and just point at it.

“Yes, it’s the moon!” I say.

“Eh?” she says, which is pretty much the only thing she says these days.

“Moon!” I say again.

“Eh?” she says, pointing again.

“MOON!” I shout enthusiastically, even though it’s kind of a crap moon. Just a big yellow circle, really. But I guess it doesn’t take that much to impress a toddler.

Worst part: When the book ends [SPOILER ALERT] with stupid letter ‘a’ trying to climb up the tree again, as though he’s completely forgotten about the events of the previous 18 pages.

Katie’s Moose

Katie's Moose

Plot: A Scottish girl looks for her animals and finds them in weird places. Then they all go to sleep together in an impossibly huge bed.

(This book features a dancing pig, a cow on the crapper and a bear with a hammer, but it’s the supersized bed that seems really unrealistic.)

Best part: The coo sitting on the loo is reading a newspaper with the headline, “Braw craw heids baw.” Genius.

Worst part: Forcing the Popple to listen to me speak in Scots with my American accent. Just imagine it:

“Keek-a-boo! There she is noo. See that bonnie pig, ahint the chair, daein a jig.”

THE WORST.

Global Babies

Global Babies

Plot: No plot, just pictures of cute international babies.

Best part: The baby from South Africa who is blowing a raspberry, because the Popple raspberries right back at him.

Worst part: The fact that a book about ‘global babies’ features two Americans babies out of 16. Okay, one is Native American, but still. Try harder.

25 Replies to “The children’s books that are slowly driving me insane”

  1. Haha, it is the worst when you have to read the same sodding book all of the time! #DreamTeam

  2. I love the thought of you reading the Scottish one. It’s like when the kids bring me dutch books or I’m trying to help with homework – Northern Dutch is class. #DreamTeam

  3. I get twitches of PTSD wih any title from Fancy Nancy. The little rugrat gets me every time. I’d rather head to the gyno or perhaps get a tooth pulled. Argh! #chucklmums

  4. Ha ha! These sound awful!! You definitely need to vet your books better 😉 hope she chooses some better ones soon x

  5. I can’t believe that with all the hundreds of books that my kids own, we don’t have any of these! Thankfully my 4 year old is now into reading Roald Dahl books (we’re currently on George’s Marvellous Medicine) which is amazing. 2yo still likes to read the same crappy book every night for weeks on end (currently Little Lost Penguin).
    #chucklemums

  6. I’ve totally read Global Babies in the library (with a child present of course, ahem) and thought EXACTLY the same thing. What lessons are there to learn here? A baby is a baby whatever the eff it’s wearing / colour skin it has. Jog on. Thank for for linking to #Chucklemums and making me laugh!

  7. Your book post is so much funnier than mine 😂😂 I am imagining you reading the Scottish book and chuckling to myself. I hope her literary favourites moves on soon! #DreamTeam

  8. #dreamteam as a lover of books, as is my son I’m happy to report we have never read any of these – phew:)

  9. This is so funny! The chicka chicka boom boom spoiler alert – just brilliant!! The #FamilyFun

  10. Did you get the Scottish book so you could try and intergrate with the Scott people? Sounds really realistic! Why do they always flip to the back of the book? It’s so annoying. One good thing though is at least she is interested in books! Always a positive!? Thanks for linking up to #FamilyFun

  11. We practically own a library here and yet I have never heard of or seen any of these! I love the sound of the first one though. Though maybe not after the 300th repetition. My youngest likes ones with lots of fun words, rhythms and sounds (I can’t remember the proper grammar term). My 3 year old is starting to read proper books (thankfully)! #FamilyFun

  12. Oh god I may avoid these at all costs! Haha
    #familyfun

  13. Haha! I hate when we have to read the same book over and over again. Just tonight we read Brown Bear, Brown Bear three times in a row. Oh well…At least it is better than TV! #Dreamteam

  14. Katie’s moose sounds fab although I’m sure I would struggle and I’m not sure about encouraging bed sharing with a host of animals

  15. Haha…made me smile all the way. I only know the Chicka Chicka book by cover. We have tons of books too but my home is overrun with books on trains (Thomas), cars, construction vehicles, and farm animals. Never got the obsession with farm-related books for infants and toddlers. Most of us don’t live on farms, you know!? And what’s with the need to learn what every animal sounds like…like seriously, how many times in your adult life (except after you have kids) have you had to use your knowledge of animal sounds to use!? Give me a break! #familyfun

  16. So so good! Love your choices and love hearing about books for little ones. Who the hell came up with ‘Global babies’! ha ha #ablogginggoodtime

  17. You need to move on to Julia Donaldson girl! Although saying that I can recite A Squash and A Squeeze verbatim now… #chucklemums

  18. I have never read any of those! My toddler loves the Tiger who came to tea. Lots. I think I am going to lose it soon. #chucklemums

  19. hahahaha yes try harder! We tend to have to stick to the same circle of books too. I could read Dear Zoo without the book. In fact any lift the flap book is a hit in our house. We haven’t read any of these books however I can’t say you have sold them to me lol!Thanks for linking with us at #FamilyFun

  20. I think we all go through this phase! I read The Wheels on the Bus sound book continuously and that one song was the only one we could listen to! It does get better 🙂

  21. Lucky me, we don’t have any of these books! I can, however recite several books by heart as we tend to pick a handful and put them on repeat too. I chuck any ones that drive me crazy. Out of sight, out of mind and all that! #chucklemums

  22. For me, it is Dear Zoo. Every single night!! I did smile at the Global Babies book, can’t imagine that one as a bed time story 😉 Thanks for linking up to #dreamteam xx

  23. Ha ha ha this is so funny. I love how we get so involved in things like this that were designed for our little ones!!
    Thanks for linking to#ablogginggoodtime

  24. I haven’t come across any of these – which is just as well I think!! #ablogginggoodtime

  25. Surely you need to vlog us your scottish book so we can hear the accent! Ah yes, this repetitive joy is very familiar! #chucklemums

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