I recently read a post on Scary Mommy called “10 Things Moms Of Chubby Babies Know To Be True.” I, as you may know, do not have a chubby baby, despite my best efforts. I wrote about it here. So here’s my version of this list:
1. People question if you know how old your baby is.
“How old is she?”
“Almost six months.”
“Really? She’s so tiny!”
Yes, really. I’m pretty sure I know how old my own baby is. Pushing her out of me was like taking a terrible 16-hour poo. Hard to forget a day like that.
2. Baby clothes sizes are all wrong.
For example, the 0-3 month clothes at Mothercare goes up to 14.5 lbs. At nearly 6 months, the Popple still isn’t 14.5 lbs. She’s of average length, however, so all the 0-3 month clothes are too short. That means we need to put her in 3-6 month clothes, which means most of her outfits look like brightly-coloured sacks with bows on them.
3. You’re obsessed with the stupid Red Book*.
“It doesn’t matter what centile your baby’s weight is on, as long as they’re following it consistently,” the nurses tell you. And yet you become obsessed with the weight chart in your Red Book, feeling a bit disappointed every time you get your baby weighed and see that they’re still hovering around the 9th centile.
*For all you non-Brits, the Red Book is a book where you chart your baby’s health and development up to 12 months. I assume all the important things (ie vaccination records) are also held in an NHS database, otherwise I’m not sure what will happen when I lose the Popple’s Red Book. Yup, I said ‘when’, not ‘if’. I lose my mobile phone on a daily basis. It’s only a matter of time before I lose this book.
4. It’s surprisingly easy to carry your baby.
Pick them up. Toss them over your shoulder. Carry on doing stuff. You could almost forget that they’re there – except for all the squirming.
5. You’re used to semi-rude questions about your baby from strangers.
“Are you sure she’s getting enough to eat?”
Yes, I feed my baby as much as she wants whenever she wants. I’m not starving her because I want her to fit into her size newborn jeans.
“Was she premature?”
No, she was full term. Thanks for bringing up a potentially sensitive issue, though!
6. And comments about your own size.
“Well, you’re pretty small too,” they say. Little do they know that I’m only this thin because I’m on the unintentional baby diet: breastfeeding + hours of walking in order to get the baby to nap + not enough time to cook/eat proper meals = I can eat cake every day and not gain weight.
You probably want to punch me in the face right now. Trust me, I’m complaining about the cake thing. It’s pretty amazing, actually. I mean, all that sugar is still bad for me, but when you’re not sleeping and you’re hungry all the time, it’s hard to resist a nice slice of Victoria sponge.
7. Your baby will NOT STOP MOVING.
“You’re never going to gain any weight if you keep that up,” I say to the Popple as she windmills her arms and legs as fast as she can.
She responds by kicking harder. For the next 15 minutes. Non-stop.
IF YOU EXERCISE THIS MUCH, WHY ARE YOU NOT MORE TIRED?
8. There is nothing cuter than a tiny baby in a gigantic snowsuit.
9. Petite babies are easier to clean.
Fewer rolls = fewer places for poo and dust and drool to hide.
10. You find yourself repeating the phrase “Good things come in small packages.”
And you know what? It’s true. Bigger isn’t always better. Pocket-sized mobile phones are better than their clunky ancestors. Tapas are better than one main dish because you get to taste more food. And tiny babies are just as cute as their chunky counterparts.