My adorable chunk of a nephew is turning one later this month, so I suggested that Adrian look on Etsy to see if he could find a unique gift for him. A few hours later, he sent me this email:
“So no obvious choices for a gift on Etsy just yet, but the running for Worst Clothes For a Baby Boy goes deep.”
Here’s a selection of what he found – plus a few other horrors I discovered myself when I went down Etsy rabbit hole:
Let’s all laugh at Aunt Marley’s alcoholism! Hahaha! It’s funny because she can’t stop drinking! Look, she was so drunk that she put the apostrophe in the wrong place!
Hey, baby. ‘Tho’ is not an acceptable alternative to ‘though’, regardless of what your onesie says. Your parents are the worst.
I can’t take a wife because I made a vow to the brotherhood. Also because I’M AN INFANT.
4. I won
Your parents bought you this bodysuit so…did you? Did you really?
Surprisingly, this is just one of several sexist animal-themed boy’s onesies.
…aaand there’s another one.
For the dachshund-owner parent who really, really can’t resist a good wiener joke. Or a not-so-good wiener joke. Or who got a dachshund for the sole purpose of being able to say the word ‘wiener’ all the time, even though they don’t know how it’s spelled.
“Ha – look at that man trying to raise a baby! That’s lady business!”
Men are perfectly capable of dressing babies. And pushing prams. And retrieving lost dummies. And cleaning up poonamis. This is not mum stuff. It’s PARENT stuff.
It’s like you’re trying to turn your baby into a d**k.
Because being famous on Instagram is a thing that people actually aspire to now. We are a garbage species.
If you want to see more Etsy nightmares, check out the 10 gifts you should never buy for a baby post I did for Christmas last year.